Chapter 55: Desiring What One Should Not Desire

Lu Huaijin’s gaze was as cold as frost. With his thin lips slightly parted, he said in a chilling tone:

"If you do not wish to return to your hometown, I will find you a well-matched and respectable family here in the capital so you may enter as a legitimate wife. With the reputation of my Chief Councilor’s estate, marrying from here will ensure your husband’s family dares not treat you lightly."

"But my aunt said..."

Lu Huaijin interrupted her without a shred of mercy. "You are a clever person; you should understand the stakes involved."

Caiwei watched as his slender fingers left a faint trace of water on the xuan paper. At last, she said no more, only slowly offering a curtsy. "This servant takes her leave."

Quietly retreating from the room, the moment she stepped outside, Caiwei caught sight of Su Yao, who likewise noticed her.

The two women locked eyes.

It was impossible to put a name to the feeling stirring in their hearts.

Jealousy? Envy?

Upon returning to Clear Breeze Courtyard, Chuntao was pacing back and forth across the room, muttering incessantly: "My lady, did you see that cousin miss? The moment word got out about taking her in, she rushed straight over here. My lady, what are you going to do?"

Her face was etched with anxiety, fine beads of sweat dotting her forehead.

"Chuntao, stop walking. You're making me dizzy," Su Yao said, her voice devoid of strength.

She truly had no desire to deal with these vexing matters; her mind and body were utterly exhausted.

"My lady, how can you not be the least bit nervous?" Seeing Su Yao’s utterly indifferent demeanor, Chuntao grew even more frantic.

Without a word of response, Su Yao climbed straight onto the bed and closed her eyes. "I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."

Watching her mistress's uncompetitive and unconcerned attitude, Chuntao stamped her feet in frustration. Finding it impossible to set her mind at ease, she decided to go out and scout for information. Just as she bolted out of Clear Breeze Courtyard, not watching where she was going, she nearly collided head-on with someone.

"Miss Chuntao, why are you in such a rush? Has something happened to Miss Su?"

Only then did Chuntao recognize the newcomer as Changfeng, the usually reticent and taciturn guard.

"Changfeng, you've come at just the right time. I have something to ask you—were you just serving in my lord's courtyard?" Chuntao asked hastily.

"I was."

"Then did you see that cousin miss?"

Changfeng nodded. "I did. Why do you ask?"

"What did she want with my lord?"

"How would a servant like me know that? My lord was painting inside; they were likely discussing paintings together."

Hearing this, Chuntao felt a sudden pang of foreboding, a bitter ache rising in her chest. A lone man and a woman shut together in a single room, exchanging poetry and discussing paintings—red sleeves adding fragrance—their affections would surely grow all the more intense.

"There's no reasoning with a blockhead like you. I'm going back," Chuntao said with a huff, turning to leave.

"Miss Chuntao, wait a moment. Has something happened at Miss Su's place?" Seeing her turn away, Changfeng felt his anxiety mount and asked once more.

Chuntao halted her steps and turned back to look at him.

Her gaze carried a scrutinizing edge, as though she meant to see right through the man before her.

Unnerved by her look, Changfeng lowered his head slightly. "Miss Chuntao, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Let me ask you, why were you sent to Hibiscus Cottage in the first place?" Chuntao suddenly demanded, her eyes sharp.

At these words, Changfeng’s expression turned unnatural. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"And let me ask you again, how is it that you came back?" Chuntao pressed relentlessly.

"We servants must always obey our master's arrangements," Changfeng murmured, keeping his head down.

Chuntao eyed him suspiciously. "What are you doing here now?"

"I wanted to speak a few words with Miss Su."

Alarm bells rang in Chuntao’s head. "What could you possibly have to say to my lady? My lady belongs to my lord. As an unrelated man, you should keep your distance and show some propriety. Go on, leave at once, lest you bring trouble upon my lady."

As she spoke, she reached out to push Changfeng away.

Changfeng furrowed his brows. "I only want to treat Miss Su well."

"My lady has no need of your kindness. Your kind intentions might not turn out well for her, do you understand?"

With her hands on her hips, Chuntao said angrily, "If you truly wish the best for my lady, you should pay attention to boundaries and propriety. If my lord and that cousin miss are up to something, you could at least give me a heads-up—that would be doing right by my lady. Do you take my point?"

Instead, Changfeng argued: "You want Miss Su to vie for favor with the cousin miss? Miss Su is not that kind of person. Do you know that the Empress Dowager intends to arrange a marriage for my lord? Have you ever considered what will happen to Miss Su if a legal mistress crosses the threshold? The addition of a cousin miss now might not necessarily be a bad thing."

"There is simply no talking sense with you!" Irritated, Chuntao stamped her foot. "No matter what, my lady is half a mistress here. Don't you forget your station and harbor thoughts about someone you shouldn't."

Changfeng’s face flushed red, as though his inner thoughts had been laid bare by Chuntao. He lowered his gaze, not daring to meet her eyes. "Don't talk nonsense..."

"Whether I'm talking nonsense or not, you know it in your heart! My lady is my lord's person. Even if the day comes when my lord grows weary of her and casts her aside, it is still not your turn!"

Growing more agitated by the second, Chuntao angrily slammed the courtyard door shut, cutting Changfeng off on the outside.

That night, Su Yao awoke and looked up toward the window, where the moonlight washed the room like water.

Rubbing her sleep-heavy eyes, she was startled to realize she had slept all the way through until evening.

Now, her drowsiness had long since vanished, and sleep would surely be difficult to find again.

"Chuntao?" she called out softly.

"Has my lady woken up?" Chuntao hurried into the room bearing a steaming bowl of bird's nest congee.

The rich aroma of the congee instantly filled the air.

"Are you hungry? This servant has stewed some bird's nest for you. Get up and have a few bites to line your stomach, and I'll go prepare dinner right away." As she spoke, Chuntao set the bowl of congee on the table.

"Chuntao, don't fuss. I'm not hungry; I don't want to eat."

"How can you not eat? My lady must eat a little—if not for yourself, then for the child in your stomach."

At these words, Su Yao’s movements abruptly stalled, her hand slowly coming to rest upon her abdomen.

This child... should it truly be kept?

Chuntao went on: "This servant inquired just now—my lord and the cousin miss are in the room discussing poetry and paintings. Do you understand such things, my lady? You mustn't let yourself be outdone. Now that you are carrying a child, if you can win even a fraction of my lord's favor, that cousin miss naturally won't stand a chance."

"Chuntao, you are forbidden to talk such nonsense."

With a look of utter incomprehension, Chuntao stared at Su Yao. "My lady, this servant is doing this for your own good. Do you not care about my lord at all?"

"If there is someone who treats him well, naturally I am happy for him," Su Yao said indifferently.

"How can my lady think like this?"

"I am not happy at all in this estate. If I were to bicker and fight for favor with this cousin miss now, there will only be other women in the future. Am I to fight them off one by one? I have no such energy, nor do I wish to stay here a moment longer. Sooner or later, I am leaving."

The more Su Yao spoke, the more agitated she became; the grievances suppressed deep within her heart surged forth like a flood.

Hearing this, Chuntao turned deathly pale with fright. She rushed forward to cover Su Yao’s mouth, trembling as she whispered, "My lady, you mustn't say such things. If anyone were to overhear, the consequences would be unimaginable."

Filled with bitter grievances, Su Yao forcefully pushed Chuntao's hand away. At this moment, she cared for nothing except pouring out everything she felt.

She had always been forced into this—kept captive in this estate by Lu Huaijin against her will, only to be humiliated by his mother, slapped by servants, and subjected to endless indignities.

And yet, in the end, she was expected to be grateful to Lu Huaijin, to thank him for his "saving grace." But had it not been for him, she would never have suffered any of this!

Thinking of this, all her pent-up resentment poured out like beans spilling from a bamboo tube: "I will say it! I am leaving, sooner or later I am leaving! I don't love him at all! What woman he marries or what concubine he takes has nothing to do with me!"

*Bang!* With a deafening crash, the door was violently kicked open.