Chapter 35: Don’t Even Think About Leaving Me in This Lifetime

Did he discover that she was secretly taking contraceptives? Or did he find out that she met with Xiao Yu? Su Yao’s heart hammered against her ribs, leaving her breathless. She struggled to steady her mind, constantly reassuring herself: *It’s impossible. He couldn’t have found out.*

She knew Lu Huaijin too well; if he truly held these secrets, he would never be so calm. By his nature, he would surely whip up a torrential storm to crush her into pieces.

Lu Huaijin’s warm breath brushed against her ear. That familiar yet terrifying scent instantly enveloped her, like a great net cast tight around her. Su Yao’s heart skipped a beat. A chill surged from the soles of her feet to the top of her head. Before she could react, a sharp pain flared on her lips. It was not a kiss. It was ferocious, maddening—a bite. He was venting his inner turmoil without restraint.

The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. Only when Su Yao’s eyes grew red with pain and welled with tears did Lu Huaijin release her. She looked up, meeting his eyes, which were filled with a rage that seemed capable of incinerating her. She wanted to run, to escape. As she tensed her legs to flee, she heard him scoff.

Lu Huaijin tore open his robe. In the flickering candlelight, the dim glow illuminated his exposed chest, highlighting his defined muscles. Su Yao was afraid of him. She curled up at the head of the bed, her body trembling uncontrollably as she stammered, "I am... not feeling well."

Lu Huaijin paused, letting out a simple "Oh." Yet, this simple word did not stop his hands in the slightest. His movements remained languid and deliberate as he slowly unfastened his clothes.

"I... my monthly visitor has arrived." Su Yao lied.

Lu Huaijin paused again and looked at her. "Truly?"

Su Yao gritted her teeth, feigning composure as she murmured an affirmative. Her nails dug deep into her palms, nearly drawing blood; she was so nervous she even held her breath. Lu Huaijin stared at her for a moment, then suddenly reached out and pulled her into his arms. He pressed against her ear, his hot breath grazing her neck and causing goosebumps to rise on her skin.

"Are you afraid of me?"

"No..."

"Go bathe first."

"No," Su Yao refused almost instinctively. She feared that if they bathed together, her lie would be exposed on the spot. The consequences would be unthinkable.

Lu Huaijin looked at her, his lips parting as if to speak, then stopping. "Let Chun Tao attend to your bath. I will read some official documents; you may sleep when you are tired."

He leaned down, his palm resting on her cheek as he brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. The man’s scorching breath fell upon her face, carrying his signature scent of cedarwood. Yet, this time, he did not overstep; he merely pressed a fleeting, shallow kiss to her lips.

Su Yao could hardly believe that this beast would let her off the hook today. She recalled the most humiliating year of her life, when he had never cared for her feelings; whenever he had a desire, he would seize her ruthlessly and without regard. The depraved methods he had used were things she could hardly bear to mention. She had resisted countless times, but could never break free. The worst of those times had left her unable to distinguish day from night for days on end. Back then, like now, she had felt as if her spine had been snapped, forcing her to learn a superficial obedience.

Su Yao looked at him directly and, feigning calm, replied, "Understood."

After Lu Huaijin left, Su Yao felt as though all her strength had been drained. She collapsed onto the bed, exhaling a long, shaky breath—the relief of someone who had narrowly escaped death. But she wondered how long she could keep deceiving him.

After bathing, Su Yao fell into a deep sleep. In a half-dreaming state, she felt the person beside her pull her closer. He seemed to be asleep, yet he murmured, "Su Yao, I told you to be good."

Su Yao jolted, her eyes snapping open as she looked at the person beside her in terror. Lu Huaijin’s eyes were tightly shut, his breathing steady; he was surely asleep. Her heart raced in confusion. Why was he talking nonsense in his sleep? In his dreams, was she still the one who angered him?

"If you are not good, I naturally have plenty of ways to deal with you," Lu Huaijin’s voice sounded again, each word striking hard against Su Yao’s heart. "In this life, don't even think about leaving me."

The charcoal fire in the room crackled, but Su Yao was drenched in a cold sweat from his sleep-talking. *In this life? I am to stay by his side forever?* Su Yao dared not think further, a sense of despair surging within her. *It can’t be. I will truly go mad.* She screamed in her heart.

She stared at the dark canopy of the bed, tears sliding silently away to soak her pillow. Before dawn had even broken, Su Yao could no longer sleep. She lay on the bed, her eyes hollow, her thoughts a tangled mess. Throughout the night, she had been wondering about her father and brother—were they in the North or in Lingnan? How far was the North, and how was one to reach Lingnan?

When Lu Huaijin woke, the morning light was faint, filtering through the windows into the room. He was still groggy, and he paused for a moment upon seeing Su Yao already sitting at the vanity.

"So early? Why not sleep a little longer?"

"I couldn't sleep," Su Yao said softly. She dared not turn to look at him, keeping her gaze fixed on her own pale reflection in the bronze mirror.

"Come here, lie with me a while longer."

Su Yao reluctantly walked toward the bed. Lu Huaijin reached out, pulling her into his arms with forceful, unyielding strength. "Yao'er, are you too excited about our trip to sleep?" The corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

Su Yao remained silent, her heart filled with bitterness. She had spent the night in fear, spooked by his dreams, and could not find rest. In his arms, her body was rigid, filled with resistance she dared not display.

Lu Huaijin chuckled softly. "We are only leaving the city for three to five days. I have some matters to attend to, and it will be a good chance for you to clear your head."

The carriage was steady and fast, speeding along the imperial road. Su Yao had taken the anti-nausea medicine Chun Tao had fetched, and indeed, she felt much better over the past few days. The bumpy journey did not make her feel ill. Perhaps it really was just a stomach ailment, and the medicine had cured it. Every so often, she peeked out the carriage window. It turned out that the scenery outside the capital was so beautiful.

That night, the Prefect of Tongzhou and his subordinates arrived at the city gate to welcome them. Wu Yuebai, the Prefect, stepped forward to the carriage. "Subordinate Wu Yuebai once again greets Lord Lu."

Lu Huaijin lifted the curtain and said indifferently, "Why such a grand display, Prefect Wu?"

Wu Yuebai looked up at Lu Huaijin, catching a glimpse of a woman inside the carriage. Lu Huaijin’s eyes darkened, and he quickly lowered the curtain, his voice turning colder. "Lead the way, Prefect Wu."

Wu Yuebai’s men cleared a path for them. Su Yao heard the shouting outside and wanted to look out again, but Lu Huaijin pressed her back. The carriage slowed significantly, and clamor rose from the front. The road, which had been impassable, was now controlled by the Prefect’s men, who carved out a path.

Su Yao whispered, "Who are all those people outside?"