Chapter 32: Scaring Yourself

Morning mist drifted across the windowpane, and the celadon bowl in Chun Tao’s hands steamed with a briny sweetness.

“Where exactly did you go yesterday, Miss?”

Su Yao blinked in slight surprise, irritation stirring within her. Why was everyone asking where she had been?

She furrowed her brow lightly. “You all sound like you’re interrogating a prisoner.”

The young maid’s eyes reddened. “I... I’m only worried about you, Miss.”

Seeing her like this, Su Yao’s heart softened.

“I just came back on my own.”

Chun Tao nodded gently and continued, “Yesterday, the master ordered the pavilion to turn back, and we searched for you all along the way but couldn’t find a trace. It truly worried him. Later, he even got off the carriage himself to look for you. It wasn’t until almost midnight that the carriage returned to the residence. When did you come back, Miss?”

Su Yao’s heart jolted at those words.

She had never imagined that Lu Huaijin would turn back to find her, especially after he had so coldly thrown her from the carriage.

His mercurial nature was truly tormenting.

A bitter laugh rose in her throat, tasting of rust.

“You should understand, Miss.”

“Understand what?”

“The master is hard in words but soft at heart. When you anger him, he thinks of punishing you, yet he can’t bear to. You should try to soften him.”

Chun Tao looked at Su Yao earnestly, offering her heartfelt advice.

As Su Yao listened, the quarrel with Lu Huaijin from the previous day flashed vividly in her mind.

Before, she might have spoken gentle words just to avoid angering him.

But when he mentioned her father with such cold cruelty, his words stabbed her heart like knives, and in her impulse, she had completely exploded.

Did she regret it?

Not really.

She felt she had reclaimed something precious.

Chun Tao couldn’t read Su Yao’s thoughts. Seeing her silence, she placed a nourishing dish before her.

“Miss, eat this while it’s warm.”

Su Yao slowly lifted the lid, and the fragrant scent of abalone mixed with a briny odor hit her nostrils.

Inside was fish maw stewed with abalone, fresh ingredients steeped in a rich broth—clearly a carefully prepared delicacy.

Yet Su Yao’s appetite was absent.

She understood this was merely one of Lu Huaijin’s taming tactics, offering a bitter lesson wrapped in sweetness.

She picked up the spoon, mechanically stirred, and scooped a small portion into her mouth.

But barely a mouthful in, nausea surged fiercely within her.

The sharp clink of the porcelain spoon against the bowl suddenly froze in the air.

Su Yao stared at the distorted reflection on the broth’s surface as her throat spasmed violently.

The sticky fish maw’s fishy taste transformed into countless steel needles stabbing her stomach, and she staggered toward the copper basin.

“Miss, be careful!” Chun Tao’s startled cry carried over the rising sounds.

She hurried after her into the inner chamber, only to hear Su Yao’s desperate retching tearing through the quiet.

The sound was heart-wrenching, as if she was trying to expel her very entrails.

Su Yao gripped the edge of the sandalwood bucket so tightly her knuckles nearly cracked in the carved crevices.

“Miss, is your stomach still unwell? You’ve only taken one bite, why are you vomiting?”

Chun Tao’s face brimmed with worry as she gently patted Su Yao’s back.

Exhausted and weak, Su Yao’s legs gave way, and she had to steady herself against the wall.

Seeing this, Chun Tao quickly supported her and handed her a cup of water to rinse her mouth.

“Do you want to try eating a bit more?” Chun Tao asked cautiously.

With feeble breath, Su Yao replied, “No, just the smell makes me sick.”

“Wait for the court physician to come and have him check your pulse. Constant vomiting isn’t good,” Chun Tao frowned.

Su Yao’s eyes flickered uneasily as Chun Tao babbled on.

A strong sense of dread rose within her.

“No, don’t call the court physician!” she blurted almost instinctively.

Chun Tao was startled by the sudden outburst, opening her mouth but hesitating.

Tears welled in Su Yao’s eyes. “If the physician detects a pregnancy pulse, this matter won’t stay hidden.”

Chun Tao froze.

“Miss, how could that be? Every time... I have followed the prescriptions and prepared the medicine.”

Su Yao’s face turned ashen; her legs buckled and she collapsed onto the bed, murmuring, “Yes, it shouldn’t be... I took the contraceptive medicine every time.”

“Don’t scare yourself, Miss. It could just be a stomach upset.”

They exchanged glances, and Su Yao nodded slowly, yet her unease deepened.

“Rest your injured foot first, Miss. In a few days, we’ll find a chance to visit Doctor Chen at Chongren Hall.”

Under sweat-soaked hair, Su Yao’s eyes gleamed with a fierce light.

“You’ve kept the leftover herbs from the medicine every time, haven’t you?”

Chun Tao’s trembling hand hovered midair, then shook her head before nodding again.

“I was afraid the governess would find out about the leftovers from the palace medicine, so I threw those into the dried well before leaving yesterday. But the leftovers from the two doses you took before entering the palace, I’ve kept those.”

Suddenly, Su Yao gripped her wrist tightly. “Bring me the leftover decoctions from the contraceptive medicine.”

Outside, the dampness of the rain seeped into her bones as Su Yao curled deep into the bed, listening to the copper water clock striking against the blue bricks.

Chun Tao quietly returned with a bundle wrapped in rough madder-dyed hemp cloth.

“Miss, it’s all here,” Chun Tao’s voice trembled.

“After each boiling, I dried and kept the residue as you instructed.”

“We must take these to Chongren Hall for Doctor Chen to examine.”

Su Yao’s stomach convulsed again, and she bit the corner of the embroidered quilt hard.

Suddenly, heavy raindrops pounded on the window frame with a loud clatter.

Before Chun Tao could cry out in surprise, the carved door crashed open.

Lu Huaijin, draped in a dark cloak that carried the scent of winter rain, swept into the inner chamber. The golden-stitched crane embroidered on his official robe faced Su Yao’s pale face.

His fingertips still clutched half of a riding whip, dark red bloodstains congealed into icy beads at the tip.

“Master...” Chun Tao summoned her courage to speak but was cut off as the whip wind lashed her cheek.

Her face drained of color instantly, her words swallowed back.

Su Yao’s heart tightened at the sight. She grabbed the whip in Lu Huaijin’s hand with a fierce grip.

“Don’t trouble the servants.”

Lu Huaijin glanced coldly at Chun Tao, who trembled all over.

She dared not linger and hurried away.

The hidden bundle of medicinal residue burned hot in Su Yao’s grasp.

As soon as Lu Huaijin arrived at the residence, he heard that Su Yao had eaten nothing all day, hadn’t even changed out of her official robe before coming.

Seeing the untouched broth on the table, he frowned and asked, “You haven’t eaten anything today either?”

“I can’t. I told you before, my stomach is upset. This soup is too greasy...”

His brows knitted tighter.

“How long has it been?”

Su Yao thought for a moment. “Just these few days.”

Afraid he would summon the court physician, she quickly added, “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

Suddenly, the man bent down and grasped her foot. The wound from yesterday flared with searing pain.

“Ah—!” Su Yao couldn’t help a soft cry.

But Lu Huaijin paid no heed to her pain. He removed her shoe and took from his pocket a porcelain jar, carefully scooping out ointment to gently apply it to the festering wound.

Su Yao instinctively tried to pull back her foot.

He held it firmly, preventing her from moving.

“Now you know it hurts?”