Chapter 20: A Past in Resonance-O nerd por quem eu tinha uma paixão secreta não era doce, então mudei para o bad boy que gosta de mim abertamente(Doce celestial do mundo humano)

“Mm.”
“Do you live alone outside? Nobody with you?”
“I’m staying with my cousin.”
“I heard you did really well in middle school?”
“Sort of.”
“I ranked 103rd citywide in the high school entrance exam. What about you?”
“Seventh.”
“Damn.”
“Why did your ranking drop later on?”
Lin Shu had seen the full ranking list from the last semester’s final exams. The school no longer publishes it officially; it only trickles out through certain students. No one was sure how it leaked, but those interested could see the details, while others simply ignored it.
Xie Buchen’s grades were near the bottom of the list.
The contrast with his seventh place in the entrance exam was stark.
A person’s learning ability wouldn’t change so drastically in a short time unless there was a life-altering event.
“Just couldn’t focus, I guess.”
Xie Buchen replied nonchalantly.
Lin Shu opened her mouth but shut it again. Her instinct told her not to pry further. His past was not something to dig into—it would be cruel to him and, for her, a new kind of torment.
Her empathy was her weakness.
When a woman starts to care deeply for someone, it often marks the beginning of her misfortune.
But if she didn’t ask, how could she help him?
Without Xie Buchen, Lin Shu wouldn’t have survived her previous life.
The world should elevate the kind and righteous, not the clever yet selfish.
The literature she had read often told of kind souls suffering bitterly, including two books she herself had translated. This was the harsh reality. Yet, if one day she had the chance to write, she vowed to tell a story where goodness was rewarded.
But when would that day come?
If she turned a blind eye to the present, how could she aim for a distant goal?
She would take the risk again.
Even knowing how perilous it was to interfere in someone’s life—he saved her, after all, Lin Shu.
...
The sunset light fell on her legs, casting shadows over the folds of her skirt.
Lin Shu clasped her hands, tracing the intricate lines of her palm, and whispered, “Why do you brush me off with ‘can’t focus’?”
Xie Buchen stopped filming but still faced away from her.
He said there were plenty of examples of students who did well in middle school but flopped in high school—why bother brushing her off? Girls who subconsciously make excuses for a man’s shortcomings often fall into the trap of infatuation. At critical moments, instead of worrying about him, it was better to focus on herself. There would be plenty of chances to fall in love in university, and plenty of people who would like her.
Lin Shu said, “Why do you act like my dad? Or are you afraid I’ll pity you if I hear your tragic past?”
Xie Buchen asked again, “Are you really not chasing after Ji Xingshen and have switched to chasing me instead?”
Lin Shu wanted to die.
“...Buchen, I’m past the age of swooning over campus tyrant novels.”
Xie Buchen said, “Then why are you clinging to me?”
Lin Shu gritted her teeth, “You helped me!”
Xie Buchen scoffed, “It’s nothing. You are. Don’t use small things as an excuse.”
Lin Shu muttered, “It’s none of your business. A drop of water in need should be returned with a burst spring. I’ll repay it however I want.”
Damn stubborn girl.
Xie Buchen turned around, and for the first time, the carefree joy on his face faded into helplessness.
Lin Shu saw it clearly.
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He found her troublesome.
No kidding.
In her previous life, she spent seven years chasing after the stubborn Ji Xingshen and endured ten years in the grave of marriage. In the game, she was at least a top-tier, all-meat-type grinder. Facing him, Xie Buchen, there was no way she would fail, right?
Just a silly dog, come here quickly!
Lin Shu stared at him, standing her ground.
She had a certain quality—like a hammer driving the nail—that anyone unlucky enough to encounter her would truly suffer.
Xie Buchen tugged at his shirt, sat diagonally opposite her, crossed his legs, and waited for the sun to dip below the horizon. When everything was bathed in cold silver-gray light, he said softly, “I’ll say it upfront—I’m telling you this, but you can’t tell anyone else.”
“Are you an elementary school kid?”
“Promise?”
“PrOmiSe!”
Lin Shu raised three fingers, her eyes as determined as if she were pledging allegiance.
Xie Buchen smirked, but there was unmistakable tenderness in his eyes—not the usual pity a man shows a woman, but a complex, deep, and unspoken emotional connection.
As if through pitying her, he could somehow pity another irretrievable person.
What the hell.
Just a delinquent still in school, and yet he had such a profound expression.
He fell silent again.
After a long pause, as if memories had finally formed into words, he spoke slowly, “My mom committed suicide, jumped off a building, the day after my parents divorced. That was right after the middle school entrance exams.”
Lin Shu held her breath.
What was she doing during that summer vacation after the exams?
Oh, playing games through the night with Zhou Ya, having a blast. If it weren’t for Ya’s phone being confiscated by her parents, they might have made citywide records.
She went to Disneyland—her brother went too, along with Aunt Zhu and her nephew. They had a great time, but she never forgot the fireworks at night; they were just like in animated films.
Xie Buchen propped his chin on his hand, staring at the fading light outside the window as if watching memories burn into ashes.
Lin Shu didn’t say a word; she was a bit scared.
Xie Buchen blinked and opened up.
“...She loved my dad very much, but men tend to get arrogant with money. Besides, my dad’s circle of small bosses all had mistresses—no one could stay pure. She caused scenes a few times but failed, which made her unstable. She wanted me to study hard to get my dad to come back home, but before exam results came out, my dad already talked about divorce. When he wasn’t paying attention to family, he at least waited until after the exams to mention it. If he cared, he wouldn’t have been so determined to divorce. She threw tantrums, knelt, threatened suicide multiple times. My grandma got sick from the stress. Eventually, she calmed down and agreed to the divorce. Everyone thought she’d come to terms with it. She seemed fine. No one expected she would jump—me included. That night, I was in the next room.”
His tone was calm.
His expression showed no ripple in the last silver-gray light.
He never once mentioned his own feelings.
Lin Shu’s eyes reddened.
Xie Buchen turned his head and smiled, “You girls, don’t be so emotional... My dad is living happily now. The daughter my stepmother had is already about to start kindergarten.”
Lin Shu swallowed her tears.
She knew now wasn’t the time to cry. This wasn’t her experience. The one who truly wanted to cry wasn’t her.
Clearing her throat, Lin Shu asked, “Are you alright, Xie Buchen?”
“Not bad, I guess.”
Xie Buchen tilted his head, smiled without any shadow, though it seemed partly performed. Lin Shu felt sorry for him.
He said, “I’m not as fragile as you think. If anything, I’m relieved. Death might have been a release for my mom. Um... if there’s something I can’t figure out, it’s that night. We were talking well, planning to leave the city and live elsewhere. My mom was originally a music teacher and had contacted an old friend’s institution to teach there. Then she got a call and told me she was tired and wanted to sleep... I shouldn’t have let her go back to her room alone...”
“What call?”
“My dad’s. Something about household registration transfer. My stepmother was on maternity leave then.”
Pressing for more.
Lin Shu asked, “The one with the daughter about to start kindergarten now?”
“...Yeah.”
Xie Buchen hesitated.
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Lin Shu swallowed the tears she had been holding back with ease. Her expression turned cold, her voice icy, as if spoken from the netherworld: “Maybe your dad revealed that the other woman had a daughter. Your mom had already come to terms with it but then couldn’t accept it again.”
“...Is that so?”
Xie Buchen looked at Lin Shu.
A look appeared on her face that he couldn’t understand, as if his mother’s spirit had possessed her, voicing the unsaid bitterness she never told him.
Though she was merely guessing, Xie Buchen listened intently.
“Hmm...” Lin Shu swallowed and her calm demeanor was chilling, “Auntie thought a son would tie a man down better than a daughter. Especially since you did well in school. She didn’t expect to lose to a woman who bore a daughter. She finally saw what she had refused to see all along.”
Xie Buchen lowered his head.
Emotionally, he didn’t want to hear Lin Shu continue, but rationally, he didn’t stop her.
She was like a surgical knife.
He had to let her cut him.
Otherwise, he would never heal.
Lin Shu said slowly, “Your mom realized the man she loved all her life truly loved someone else.”
The boy’s lazy eyes suddenly cleared.
He turned back to the window and stared out.
Xie Buchen’s mother’s emotional journey bore similarities to Lin Shu’s.
She could understand the silent heartbreak and collapse.
Disappointment builds slowly, without bloodshed, not quite despair—especially since she had planned a future with her son.
There was only one way to make a woman reach despair—
The mistress is younger and prettier?
No.
The mistress offers better career support?
No.
The mistress’s child is more promising?
No.
What drives a woman to despair is—she’s better in every way, but he still loves the other woman more than her.
Ten years of marriage.
Ji Xingshen insisted on using protection, saying his career needed focus and it wasn’t yet time for children. Even when he occasionally faltered, he made sure she took birth control afterward. Once, when Lin Shu unexpectedly got pregnant, she was overjoyed, but he just arranged for an assistant to take her for an abortion, saying that children conceived on medication were often deformed.
The ultrasound report sent by the mistress was like a loud slap across her face.
Ten years of companionship lost to a few months of an affair.
There had been other mistresses before, but none had gotten pregnant. She comforted herself that Ji Xingshen didn’t love her but also didn’t love the others.
A man’s excellence makes casual flings normal. Eventually, he would tire and come home.
She deceived herself like this until the truth could no longer be ignored.
The mistress’s pregnancy led her to immediately move into an upscale private hospital. Along with the ultrasound, there were expensive prenatal care bills, one after another, all paid with the money Ji Xingshen claimed was saved for their future child.
He said he grew up poor and wanted the child to have a good life.
He didn’t lie.
But that child wasn’t hers.
How could a man not understand love?
Xie Buchen’s father loved that woman, so he abandoned his wife and child to give her and their daughter a complete family.
Ji Xingshen deeply loved that woman, so they had a child and wanted to keep it. He didn’t love Lin Shu, so he did everything to prevent her from carrying a child to term.
A man’s love—or lack thereof—is just that simple.
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