Chapter One: Returning to That Year

Another torrential rain.

Lin Shu left the signed divorce papers right beside the ultrasound report that the mistress had brought today.

Before this, she had received taunting messages in the dead of night from an unfamiliar number, flaunting their love and urging Lin Shu to divorce Ji Xing Shen, so they could be together.

The one unloved is always the outsider.

Lin Shu still remembered that line from the texts.

Seven years of secret longing, ten years of marriage—Lin Shu ultimately lost to the love between her husband and another woman, reduced to nothing but the obstructive, faded wife.

No, in truth, she had never won.

Since high school, it had always been Lin Shu who clung desperately to Ji Xing Shen.

Seventeen years of effort, and all it amounted to was today’s farce.

It was time to leave this tomb devoid of love.

She stepped out of the house.

Lin Shu felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

She didn’t take an umbrella, but wandered through the rain, dazed, glimpsing a figure bobbing in the river—a vague silhouette, reminiscent of a boy whose face had long faded in memory, yet whose presence lingered.

Fourteen years ago, that summer after high school graduation.

She had fallen into the river during a storm; Ji Xing Shen stood on the shore under an umbrella, indifferent. It was the delinquent from the neighboring class who took off his shoes, jumped into the river, and saved her. She clung to the life ring thrown by the kind stranger and escaped death, but Xie Bu Chen vanished forever in the river, his body never found.

She should have seen Ji Xing Shen’s coldness and selfishness then, but even after brushing past death, she wouldn’t turn back, insisting on shattering the wall with her passion—except the wall remained unbroken, and it was only her fevered adolescent dreams that lay in ruins.

Nothing more.

“Someone’s fallen in the water—!”

A shout from the bridge.

Lin Shu focused. The figure in the river was not a hallucination born of despair, but a child, drifting farther away, about to disappear. Without knowing where the courage came from, she grabbed the life ring hanging by the bridge, took off her shoes, and plunged into the raging water.

Luckily, the child slipped into the life ring, and the people on shore pulled him back with combined strength.

But her own body, exhausted, cramped up.

The river tugged at her.

She fought.

But after swallowing several mouthfuls of water, she could resist no longer and plunged headlong into the murky current.

……

Was this the end of her life?

She had never truly lived for herself.

Light bloomed before her eyes.

Her body was no longer cold.

Lin Shu opened her eyes and took a deep breath. Sunlight poured down, dazzling, sparkling through the leaves.

She sat up.

The person beside her exhaled in relief, chattering, “Damn, Lin Shu, you scared us all—running and suddenly fainting. Are you still dieting? You need to eat, seriously...”

Lin Shu turned toward the voice. It was Zhou Ya.

They had been close since middle school, lucky enough to end up in the same class for high school. But later, because of Ji Xing Shen, a fierce argument had driven them apart, and they hadn’t met again for years after graduation.

“Zhou Ya...”

Lin Shu was stunned, then reached out and hugged her.

Zhou Ya was flustered, half amused and half worried, especially when she realized Lin Shu was crying. She hurriedly asked what was wrong, why she was crying like this.

Leaning against her old friend’s shoulder, Lin Shu simply wept. She couldn’t believe she’d been reborn—returned to the first semester of her junior year in high school.

At this point, she was already estranged from Zhou Ya due to her obsession with Ji Xing Shen. Yet after she fainted in PE, it was Zhou Ya who came to help her first.

The more she thought, the more Lin Shu realized how muddled she had been.

She had forsaken precious friendship for the sake of a cold, indifferent man, ruining herself.

Her tears drew the attention of the PE teacher and a few classmates.

Seeing her cry so desperately, the teacher sent Lin Shu back to the classroom to rest. “You’re awake, that’s good. You girls are still growing—what’s the point of dieting? Is health or appearance more important?”

Zhou Ya said, “I’ll get you some bread.”

Lin Shu searched her pockets and found some money.

Zhou Ya pulled out her campus card and patted Lin Shu’s shoulder. “I can afford bread. You stay put and rest.”

Before Lin Shu could insist on paying, Zhou Ya jogged away.

The PE teacher opened her roster, took out the pen clipped to her chest pouch, and said this class would count as Lin Shu’s sick leave, but it couldn’t happen again—except for special circumstances, a student could only miss PE five times per semester.

Lin Shu hugged her knees and nodded.

The other classmates spoke a few words of concern and returned to their group.

Under the blazing sun, only the spot where Lin Shu sat had a bit of shade. She glanced toward the snack shop, then, as she drew her gaze back, locked eyes with Ji Xing Shen at the edge of the group.

A scholarly boy, cool and handsome.

Even the loose school uniform fit him perfectly.

He stood out among the crowd.

No wonder so many at school admired Ji Xing Shen.

To see her youthful crush again, separated by all those years, Lin Shu still felt her heart stir, but no longer with that uncontrollable longing.

Whether he was the lofty pine or the moon above the mountains, to her, he was no more than incense burnt to ash.

Once, she knelt before the gods, begging Ji Xing Shen to look at her.

Now, she would never kneel to that elusive obsession again.

Zhou Ya returned, empty-handed—today’s fresh bread was sold out, only a dusty old French roll left on the shelf.

Lin Shu opened it and took a bite; it scratched her throat.

Zhou Ya apologized, suggesting Lin Shu return to the classroom for water before eating. Lin Shu tapped her chest, swallowed, and smiled gratefully, but Zhou Ya’s expression shifted. She stared, awkwardly, “You’re not planning to stay on the field, are you? What are you doing, still watching Ji Xing Shen?”

“No... I’m going back.”

“That’s better.”

Zhou Ya cheered up and helped Lin Shu up. When passing Ji Xing Shen, she glared at him like a fierce village dog.

Lin Shu smiled.

She used to think Zhou Ya was overbearing and meddlesome, but now she saw clearly—a girl who just cared too much for her friends.

Zhou Ya turned, frowning. “...What are you smiling at?”

Don’t tell me she’s drooling over Ji Xing Shen again?

Lin Shu looked at Zhou Ya with sincere eyes. “You’re so adorable, Xiao Ya.”

Zhou Ya’s face turned red visibly, stunned into silence.

High offense, low defense.

So adorable.

Lin Shu’s smile deepened, filled with the relief of surviving disaster and a hint of bittersweet sorrow.

Zhou Ya escorted her back to the classroom and fled, thinking Lin Shu was acting strange today, speaking so tenderly.

Lin Shu got a glass of water and slowly ate her bread.

As the food filled her empty stomach, her strength returned. This fainting spell was indeed, as Zhou Ya said, caused by her dieting.

She’d heard somewhere that Ji Xing Shen liked girls with thin legs. She measured her own—not particularly thick—and decided they were too fat, launching her diet plan.

At first, she increased her exercise.

Then, discovering that running didn’t make her slimmer but instead bulked up her calves, she switched to fasting. But fasting was slow, so she stopped eating meals, surviving on a packet of soy milk a day, and if hunger overwhelmed her, gnawed an apple.

“To what extent must I be thin before I stop?”

Lin Shu raised her hand; her arm was twig-like, the bones already showing.

Any thinner, and she’d weigh barely five pounds with her coffin.

Perhaps girls in their youth don’t know how to love themselves: slender legs and fair skin matter less than health and a soul at ease.

“I must eat properly.”

Lin Shu squeezed her alarmingly thin wrist and whispered.